How do I stop my toddler from throwing things?

Penelope Leach, child psychologist

Throwing things is a new and enjoyable skill for many children this age. It takes fine motor skills to open the fingers and let go of an object and considerable hand-eye coordination to actually throw it. No wonder she wants to practice this exciting skill once she's mastered it! What happens next is endlessly educational, too: Your toddler discovers that whatever she throws falls down — never up. She can't say "gravity," of course, but she can certainly observe its effects. If she throws a ball, it bounces; if she tosses an apple, it goes splat; and if her dinner gets the heave-ho, you probably go ballistic. Of course, it's maddening when spaghetti winds up all over your just-mopped kitchen floor or a clean pacifier lands on a dirty sidewalk. But rather than trying to stop your toddler's throwing (a futile effort anyway), concentrate instead on limiting what she throws and where she throws it.

When she's in her stroller or car seat, try attaching a few playthings within easy reach (using short strings that can't get wrapped around her neck). She'll quickly discover that in addition to throwing the objects, she can fish them back again. Double the fun for her, half the work for you.

At mealtime, try using a special toddler dish with plastic "suckers" that fasten to the table or highchair tray. Keep in mind, though, that while these work well enough that a casual grab won't send her dish scuttling across the floor, they won't stop a small person who's amazed to find her dish "stuck" and is determined to pry it off! This is a messy eating stage, but you can often avoid the worst of it by sitting down with your child while she eats. That way, you're right there to gently but firmly tell her "no" when she makes a move to toss her lunch and to hold her plate down with your hand if need be.

It may also help to serve tiny portions of finger foods directly on her highchair tray or a paper towel and to hold off on dishing up more until she's eaten what's there. Keep in mind, too, that most kids don't start throwing their food until they've finished eating and have grown bored. So take your toddler's food-flinging as a sign that she's finished her meal, and lift her down from the table. If a bit of food does escape her hands, either by accident or on purpose, try to keep some perspective about it: After all, a dropped slice of bread or a pinch of grated cheese on the floor may be annoying, but they're not worth getting upset about.

When your toddler's playing, on the other hand, there are things you'll want to stop her from throwing: sand from the sandbox, for instance, or blocks at the baby. But she'll accept these limits more easily and learn to police herself more quickly if there are lots of things that she is allowed — and even encouraged — to throw. Balls are an obvious choice, and you may want to stock up on a few foam "indoor balls." But actual throwing games (like tossing beanbags in a basket or skipping stones on a pond) are even more fun for a toddler, especially if you play with her. The message you need to convey is that throwing things is a fine as long as she throws the right things in the right place at the right time. This lesson will carry over to many of the other physical skills she's mastering, too: There's nothing wrong with kicking a soccer ball in the park, for instance — but kicking a playmate won't be looked upon too kindly!